It's been a while....

I have missed writing. For 2 years I haven't written a blog and for months I haven't written anything in general. Today, for some odd reason, I had a knack to write, so here I am. 
Isn't it amazing how God works in our lives over time? Since my last post I have grown so much as a person and so much has changed in life. From high school to my third year of college, from jobless to two jobs, top of the class to working my way back up, boyfriend to single, a different church, 2 cars later, and a completely different outlook on life than JUST 2 years ago.....wow. 
I find myself asking the question "What on earth does God have in store next?" 

Will write again soon, 

tHis life

Teddies for Taylor

School started back. FCA begins. Bible studies once again. homework piles up. football season and stats is here. and the biggest thing happening is this fundraiser called "Teddies for Taylor." Teddies for Taylor is a fundraiser for a little girl named Taylor Whitehead. Months ago she had a deadly infection that spread to her heart, she has since been on the upswing into recovery. However, she continues to receive treatments to help her progress. That's why my Bible study group is doing a fundraiser for her. What it is, is this: We are asking for $20 donations for teddy bears. Every teddy bear purchased will be given to a child in a treatment facility and the name of the person donating will be dedicated to that bear. The money raised will be put in a fund for Taylor's treatments. This little girl is very dear to many people in my community! To learn more about how you can help support Taylor's cause, you can comment here or post your email address and i will get back to you with further information! Thanks for taking the time to read this :)
" He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him, He hears their cry and saves them!"-Psalm 145:19

Lent 2009

Lent this year could not have come at a better time! I have been struggling these past few months and had found myself numb to what God was speaking to me...that's why this year Lent for me is about dying physically again and soaring spiritually! Everday we all worry with the physical aspects of life, we let them get in the way of our purpose, and of our time with God. I am now changing that. Lent 2009 is about dying physically and living spirtiually 100%. (and yes i repeated myself for a reason). So this year i am giving up basically all food except the neccessities! I want to pray more than i eat, not eat more than i pray. Every time i think about eating something i WANT i'm going to drop and pray. Why because i let physical aspects of this world bog my relationship with Him. And this is not right. I refuse to go before Him in prayer and say God i give you everything but i still want to worry about this, i still care about this and this. Nope not anymore. My physical life is not important to me for now, just my relationship with HIm is what i'll be focusing on. I will share this scripture with all of whom read this.... both verses that inspired my decision for 2009 are in Isaiah <3

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:31

" You were wearied by all your ways,
but you would not say, 'It is hopeless.
You found renewal of your strength,
and so you did not faint." - Isaiah 57:10

This is what faith is all about, so go live it out!

love to all! have a blessed Lent season to everyone, may you learn, speak to, or be spoken to!

A week at a time...

Words cannot describe how i feel right now. This doesn't mean anything bad; actually i'm not sure what this means but i'm going to take a minute and explore anyways. This past week was a typically good week. No major ups and no major downs. I stayed pretty much....melancholy? maybe that's a word for summary. Even with the beloved heart day yesterday, no feelings of the blues, no major excitement, just another week. I must say i am happy about this because it must mean that something is going right! Don't we all appreciate it when things go the way we want? Oh yes! Now i don't say that to seem selfish, i'm just expressing my gratitude to the One who made my week possible, the sincereity i have towards my Amazing Father!
Looking around me right now i see nothing but possibilities and potential traps. Interesting huh? seeing both sides of the coin at the same time. yea it's pretty neat. I have homework piled up to the ceiling. This could cause major anxiety and procrastination or a wonderful learning experience, or both. I see scholarships laying around that remind me of college and everything that brings. Financial worries and possiblities, majors, school choices,new experiences etc. Then i see a book called "The Shack" that i have not started, and i desperately need to. Oh yea and on top of that there's Lent that starts in 10 days and i have not a clue as to what i'll be giving up this year. But that's okay too since i know i'll get my answer eventually- starting another 40 day journey. Yes every new experience, every new lesson i learn, i consider a journey... Well enough of this information download. Here's what i'm getting at incase this is hard to follow. (which it is i'm sure) Life brings us new things all the time. Some are alright, some are hard, sad, joyful, insightful, worriesome, exciting...but they all bring new opportunities all the time. We may not always see those opportunities but they are there. Sometimes we just need to take the time to stop and be on the outside looking in.

The topic of Salvation

What is Salvation? defined by Websters it is a rescue from danger. But the Bible is all about God's activity in rescuing people from sin and restoring them to a right relationship with Him. So this has to mean that Salvation is from God. It's a free gift from God through Jesus Christ that rescues the believer from sin and its consequences.-that's what Salvation truly is....just like Acts 4:12 says "Salvation comes no other way, no other name has been or will be given to us by which we can be saved, only by this One."
Why is Salvation neccessary you might ask? for a couple of reasons. The first is because of Creation- God made this world and all that is in it:Gen.1:1,27. God created human beings to be like him and have unhindered fellowship with Him, and when His work of creation was done, he saw that it was good. (Gen.1:31) The second reason is because of our rebellions. Adam and Eve were the first people made by God they were also the first to rebel against God. They had complete freedom to live in fellowship and trust with Him but they chose to rebel, to doubt His word, and trust in their ability to discern good and evil- which a lot of us have trouble with that. Because God designed that Adam would represent the entire human race, his sin affected us. Our fellowship with God has been broken. Through sin, we all died spiritually. (Romans 5:18) Unbelief, (Romans 14:23) pride, (Hebrews 11:6) and selfishness lead us to think we know better than what God knows and to try and put ourselves in His place. like Romans 13:23 says-"We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God"

So the last question is How has God provided salvation??? - God could have left us humans under His divine judgement, but he set into motion a plan to save us from all of sin. 1 Corinthians 15:3 tells us how by sending His Son as a true man who would bear the penalty for our sin and die in our place. John 3:16 To believe in Jesus includes both a whole-hearted trust in Him for forgiveness of sins and a decision to forsake one's sins or repent them and be restored to a right relationship with God. Believing in Him also requires relating to and putting trust in Jesus as He truly is- not just a man in ancient history but also a living savior today who knows our hearts and hears our prayers. The last thing i want to say is in this verse...
"I am the way, the truth, and the life, No man can come to the Father except by me." -------- He is the way out of your difficulty, He is truth away from evil, and He is the life which is salvation itself.

tHis bipolar

Today was a day like no other. This is not saying that it is like no other due to the quality or a new experience, it's just a day that i won't forget. So let me give you some background on what i'm talking about okay...There has been a constant struggle inside of me for the past 8 weeks or so. Why? Because i was dealing with the possibility of being diagnosed with a mental illness. Yea a mental illness....sounds funny huh? That's what i thought too. But then after a couple of visits with my pyschiatrist i started to accept the fact that this might actually be happening. This- meaning what i was going through was a real thing, and that i wasn't as crazy as i sounded. Because i had been told by my medical doctor that it was all in my head... everything i was feeling, everything i was thinking, everything! when she said that i laughed and thought to myself yea you know what she's a typical doctor, just typical. (No offense to any doctors out there) I wanted someone to believe that what i was saying was real, was the truth, and frankly that's because it is the truth! I mean wouldn't that make you upset if something you couldn't wrap your head around was happening to you and people told you that it was all "just in your head"....yea. Anyways, after getting through the intitial appointments, testing, and evaluations...I have an answer finally! Today I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Now i had always heard about Bipolar disorder as a terrible thing, frankly because it's not like it's a cool thing, but also it isn't the end of the world. Sure there are mostly cons to this illness, but i think there are some pros too. I have learned so far that it is going to take a lot of guts to pull this off till the end, end of my life that is. And not trying to brag or anything but if i can keep it up and stick through this then I will be happy to say that i am a BPD survivor. If you're asking yourself why be proud of being a survivor..the reason is because the risk of suicide is much greater in BPD people than in the general population.
On another note...having this diagnosis also scares me a bit because i know what it has done so far. There isn't much that i don't know about the disorder technically, so you would think that knowledge is power. but there is one thing that is definite- BPD is unpredictable! You can't trust it, I can't trust it! On any given day i could be a different person than i was the day before. However, i am going to try not to use this as an excuse. And i say try because i have seen a loved one go through her ups and downs, and well, there is no excuse except to say- yep she had a bipolar day. no other excuse. With medication and therapy however, i can expect to get a grip on what having BPD means for me, for my life, for those around me. I can get a grip on what has been tearing me apart inside, making me crazy, and giving me an endless amount of questions. I can & I will get through this with His help and the "Godsends" that i've been blessed with. Not everyday will be sunshines and rainbows by any stretch of the imagination but everyday will bring me new challenges and experiences that will only mold me more into the woman that God wants me to become. I am going to look at this diagnosis and opportunity, optimistically(sp). It may beat me some days, i may lose control, but He never will! & only because of tHis am i going to be able to sleep tonight when i know that a tough, long road lays before me. So like one of my inspirators said: " The goal is to be on the path laid before my feet while keeping my eyes on the One who can guide my steps"
And plus there will always be storms to get through in tHis life, but even when it pours, God still reigns!

Lonely?

Okay so i am not in the writing mood at the moment, so i am posting a blog that i wrote about a year ago. More will come eventually.
There are alot of people i know that are lonely....whether they want to admit it or not, some dont even notice it in themselves. You know i used to not believe in loneliness. I thought gosh there are soo many people in the world, so how is anyone lonely? But i have learned since then.

"You are with me" Psalm 23:4 David knew what it felt like to be lonely.....betrayed. He wrote: " Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted." Ps. 25:16
"Im tired of all this-so tired. My bed had been floating forty days and nights, On the flood of my tears. My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears. The sockets of my eyes are black holes; nearly blind, i squint and grope." (Ps.6:6-7) In another verse he says: "When they were sick, i dressed in black;instead of eating i prayed. My prayers were like lead in my gut, like i'd lost my best friend, my brother. I paced, distraught as a motherless child, hunched and heavyhearted....But when i was down they threw a party! All the nameless riffraff of the town came chanting insults about me. Like the barbarians desecrating a shrine, they destroyed my reputation. Yahweh, how long are you going to stand there and do nothing?" (Ps. 35:13-17)
David knew the feeling of loneliness. He knew it in his family. He was one of the eight sons of Jesse. But when the prophet Samuel asked to see Jesse's boys, David was overlooked. The prophet counted and asked if there wasn't another child missing. Jesse said "I still have the youngest son. He is taking care of the sheep." (1 Sam.16:11).....Jesse's term for "youngest son" was not complimentary. He literally said "I still have the runt" some of you were the runt in your family. The runt is the one the others have to put up with and keep an eye on. And on this day the runt was left out. How would you feel if a family meeting was called and your name wasnt? Things did'nt improve when he changed households either. His inclusion in the royal family was King Saul's idea. So was his exclusion. Had David not ducked, he would have been pinned to the wall by the spear of a jealous king. But David did duck, and he did run. For ten years he ran. Into the wilderness he ran. Sleeping in caves, surviving on wild animals. He was hated and he was hunted. David was no stranger to loneliness. You aren't either. By now you've learned that you don't have to be alone to feel lonely. Two thousand years ago 250 million people populated the Earth. Now there are more that 5 billion. If loneliness could be cured by the presence of ppl, then surely there would be less loneliness today. But it still lingers. Loneliness is not the absence of faces.It is the absence of intimacy. Loneliness doesn't come from being alone, it comes from feeling alone. Feeling as if you are: facing death alone, facing disease alone, facing the future alone. Wheter it strikes you in your bed at night, or on the drive to the hospital, in the silence of an empty house, or the noise of a crowd, loneliness is when you think, I feel so alone. Does anyone care?....... Bags of loneliness show up everywhere. They litter the floors of classrooms and clubs. We drag them into parties and usually drag them back out. You'll spot them near the desk of the overworker, next to the table of the overeater, and on the nightstand of the one night stand. We'll try anything to unload our loneliness. This is one bag we want to drop quickly. But should we? Sould we be so quick to drop it? Rather than turn from loneliness, what if we turned toward it? Could it be that loneliness is not a curse, but a gift from God? Your probably saying, Wait a minute Shelby, that can't be. Loneliness heavies my heart. It leaves me empty inside and depressed. It is anything but a gift....You may be right. But work with me for just a second....... I wonder if loneliness is God's way of getting our attention. Here's what i mean.
Suppose you borrow a friends mp3/ipod. You rummage through their colletion, looking for your style of music- let's say rock. But you find nothing. They've got nothing but their style of music- let's say country. It's a long trip. And you can talk to yourself for only so long. So you eventually turn on a song. You'd prefer a little steel guitar, but you're stuck with a bunch of hicks singing. Initially it's tollerable. At least it fills the air. But eventually it's enjoyable. Your hearts picks up on it. "Hey this isnt so bad" Now let me ask. Would you have made this discovery on your own? No. What led to it? What caused you to hear music you'd never heard before? Simple, you had no other choice, no options. You had nowhere else to go. Finally when the silence was too loud, you took a chance on a song you'd never heard. Oh, how God wants you to hear His music. He has a rhythm that will race your heart and lyrics that will stir your tears. You want to journey to the stars? He can take you there. You want to lie down in peace? His music can soothe your soul. But first He's got to get rid of that country-western stuff. (forgive me, i have nothing against country music) And so he begins to toss out those songs. A friend turns away. The job goes bad. Your signifigant other doesnt unerstand. The church is dull. One by one he removes the options until all you have left is God. He would do that? Absolutely. "The Lord disciplines those he loves" (Heb.12:6) If he must silence every voice, he will. He wants you to hear his music. He wants you to discover what David discovered and to be able to say what David said: "You are with me." Yes you Lord, are in heaven. Yes you rule the universe. Yes you sit upon the stars and make your home in the deep. But yes, yes, yes, you are with me. The Lord is with me. The creator is with me. Yahweh is with me. Moses proclaimed it: "What great nation has a god as near to them as the Lord our God is near to us." (Deut.4:7) Paul announced it: "He is not far from either one of us" (Acts 17:27) And David discovered it: "You are with me"...Somewhere David discovered that God meant buissness when he said: "I will not leave you" (Gen.28:15) " I will......not forsake my people" (1 Kings 6:13) The discovery of David is indeed the message of scripture- the Lord is with us. And since the Lord is near, everything is different. Everything......
You may be facing death, but you aren't facing death alone; the Lord is with you. You may be facing debt, but you are not facing debt alone; the Lord is with you. You may be facing relationship struggles, but you are not facing those struggles alone; the Lord is with you. Underline these words: You are not alone. Your family may turn against you but God won't. Your friends may betray you, but God wont. You may feel alone in the wilderness, but you are not. He is with you. And because He is, everything is different. You are different. God changes your n into a v. You go from lonely to lovely. When you know God loves you, you won't be desperate for the love of others. You'll no longer be a hungry shopper at the grocery store. Have you ever gone to a store on an empty stomach? You're a sitting duck. You buy everything you don't need. Doesn't matter if it's good for you- you just want to fill your stomach. When you are lonely, you do the same in life, pulling stuff off the shelf, not because you need it, but because you are hungry for love. Why do we do it? Because we fear facing life alone. For fear of not fitting in, we take drugs. For fear of standing out, we wear the clothes. For fear of going unnoticed we dress to impress. For fear of sleeping alone, we sleep with anyone. For fear of not being loved, we search for love in all the wrong places. But all that changes when we discover God's perfect love. And "perfect love casts out fear." (1John 4:18) Loneliness. Could it be one of God's finest gifts?

If a season of solitude is His way to teach you to hear his song, don't you think it's worth it? Yea. So do I. Basically we are never completely alone. JC is always with us. We just fail to realize it sometimes. And His love is the only one that comforts us entirely. He is the only thing that will sustain us. It's only the beginning.